I wonder about some Black women who seem romantically obsessed with Black men who specifically do not date or desire Black women, or worse, speak negatively of us.
I have seen (up close and personal) Black women chase Black men who “only” date outside of our race (usually White women). The results of these chases were…fairly hideous.
For example, I knew a Black woman who chased a semi-famous Black man for TEN YEARS. (This is not hyperbole, sadly.) In that time, he dated about 5-6 White women (all thin, long hair, usually blonde, light coloured eyes; she wasn’t thin, fairly heavy set, had medium length dark hair and brown eyes). She would write him letters with her phone number and email included, try to talk to him…anything. He never called. He would barely say more than hello in person. She collected photos of him. Made them her screensaver and desktop image. She made up stories about their interactions. She mentioned dreams of marrying him. It went on and on. (I used to hate hearing these stories. There’s a limit to being “supportive.” I felt like a “bad” friend, but it was torture. It was. Eventually, our friendship dissolved, anyway.) All of the other men she liked (also moderately famous but not “A-list”) specifically DID NOT date Black women as well. It was like she wanted the approval of someone semi-famous AND someone that dated women who she most likely subconsciously viewed as “better” than her, sadly. And she wasn’t “ugly” at all. It didn’t make sense to me.
I’ve seen other Black women fawn over Black male celebrities (who aren’t interested in Black women) in this same way. I’m not talking about fawning over the celebrities’ talents or abilities. (That’s fine. Who doesn’t like art/sports and excellence?) Rarely does the fawning seem to be about any actual music they create, or yards rushed or businesses owned, films made or books published. It’s always about the men themselves. (I don’t mean simply saying the men are “fine” or enjoying a photo is “fawning.” I mean the “tweet stalking, photo collecting, trying to see them in-person, letter writing, acting like a crazed Stan to protect the name of the celebrity by any cost” actions are fawning actions. Again, anyone can enjoy the appearance or talents of a person. When it goes past this, as I mention in this and the previous paragraph…I think it’s a problem.)
I start to wonder if internalized White supremacy plays a role. In other words, do these Black women deem whatever someone White wants as “better” or more “worthy” insofar as IF a Black man is “selected” by a White woman THEN he “must” be someone “exquisite?” Even if he…isn’t? (A lot of times…he isn’t. Sorry.)
This isn’t far-fetched really. Many Black people (both men and women) view White artists who appropriate Black culture as automatically more talented than Black artists, so…
Um..you know, this somewhat makes me think of Black people in The Republican Party…in denial about their systematic rejection, so loving the party down or the chase itself somehow erases what is true…in their minds, anyway.