Grief Is…Tricky?

I had to contact my past school where I completed my Masters in 2008 for some information regarding my upcoming applications to Ph.D. programs at different schools. Anyway, while in conversation with the registrar’s office, I learned that one of my past professors passed away. I googled her name and found out that she died in 2011.

She taught a course I had in 2006, and she was dreadful. She berated the students in a way reminiscent of some kind of PsyOps. She fell asleep during our presentations. She was bad at instruction. She made us (only 6 of us, the class was really small) feel pretty crappy.

Yet, learning about this today made me feel kind of sad and bad. I…am at a loss as to why I do. This…coming from someone who has studied psychology for well over the cliché 10,000 hours for “expertise” and what not.

I don’t get it. I’ve never experienced this before.

The last person that I knew who passed away who is not related to me was a CEO for a company I worked for many years ago. However, she was a great leader, a female pioneer in that particular industry and really kind to me.

So why do I feel almost as bad for the professor as I did when the CEO passed?

Maybe it is guilt for (rightfully) thinking poorly of her teaching ability and personality? Not sure.