I was around a male and female relative recently when the male one started rapping some of the lyrics to Rick Ross’ song “U.O.E.N.O.” Yes, that fucking song. Of all the rap songs available to rap that aren’t like this, and knowing both my and the female relative’s sociopolitical consciousness, he chose that song. I swear this is why we can’t have nice things.

Anyway, she asked him not to rap that song around her because it mentions “date rape.” I told them I just see it as “rape.” I don’t make the distinction anymore because the adjective “date” seems to be used as a way to excuse the violence (though almost all rape is blamed on victims, not perpetrators anyway) or to make it seem less serious.

He then proceeded into the typical patriarchal and misogynist defense series, which I believe they keep in some sort of fucking MS Word document for occasions like these. Step one was to claim that Rick Ross didn’t say the word “rape” so the song doesn’t mention rape. Sigh. Step two was to claim that Ross isn’t a “big” rapper like Tupac and B.I.G. were so “nobody” really listens to those lyrics anyway. When I told him that people do listen to those lyrics and the reason why he makes this statement is because he is male with male privilege (for example, men have used song lyrics to street harass me; the threat of street harassment and being drugged and raped is very low for cis heterosexual men, unlike for me), he then got irate and claimed that this has nothing to do with gender. Really?

Step three was to absolve himself of all accountability and no longer attempt any further argument. He then stated that I just “have something against guys.” Because it is my response that is the problem, not his unwillingness to check his male privilege and even critically think about this song and what Ross has done? I asked him that simply stating what Rick Ross said out of his own fucking mouth and commenting on that, means I have something against men? Because I have to approve of rape in order to love men? Really?

Step four was his realization that he was unprepared for this conversation so he walked out of the room. Again, I swear this is why we can’t have nice things. This is just a reminder that womanist consciousness is not just some thing for the internet or solely on Tumblr, as people being willfully obtuse seem to think. This is real life, online or offline.

This is a problem with privilege, whether male privilege or any other type. The space that it occupies in conversations often means that the person avidly rejects critical thinking and retreats to easily refuted status quo arguments. Since the status quo aligns with the thinking of the privileged, these arguments, no matter how many times refuted are still viewed as valid ones. As a Black man oppressed for race, he would never suggest that a White person must say the word “nigger” to be racist, as racism manifests in multiple ways, yet as a male privileged for gender with a low threat of rape outside of incarceration, he demands the word “rape” be said or the lyric isn’t problematic. Not surprising.

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